Stress Inducing People (SIPs)
SIP is my abbreviation for stress inducing people. Being around these people gives you a stressed out feeling. People like this are typically labeled as toxic, but if you know me you know that I don’t think people can be toxic. They can’t kill you by spending too much time around them, and for that reason I changed my label to SIP. They still cause stress and may add chaos to your life, but being around them for long periods of time won’t actually kill you like being around toxic chemicals.
How to identify a SIP:
Obviously, stress inducing people cause stress. The label says it all. These people may be critical of you or speak badly of you. They can also be the type of people for whom you feel responsible. Perhaps they feel like they can’t live without you, or that you must take care of them. The type of person that after you spend time with them, you feel crazy, wrong, bad, or nervous.
Identifying someone who falls under the SIP category is good because you need to dig into your relationship and see if you consider it unhealthy. Friends are supposed to support you and be like an extension of your family, so if someone is making you feel negatively about yourself or others, the relationship may not be as healthy as you think.
How to handle a SIP:
Now that you’ve learned about what an SIP is, and how to decide if your relationship is unhealthy, it’s time to decide how to approach the relationship. If it is unhealthy, to what degree? Do you get stressed after a few minutes with this person? After a few hours? Or only in certain situations or occasions? Stress is no good for anyone, so taking time to evaluate your relationship is key in decreasing stress and finding balance.
If your friend stresses you out only in certain situations or circumstances, like when she texts you after 10PM or has a million questions on one topic, it may be helpful to talk with your friend gently in order to remedy the situation. Maybe suggesting that you tend to go to bed early and turn off your phone after 9:30PM would help her understand when you’re available. Having a gentle conversation about the issue is a great way to approach it. Just remember to keep the focus on yourself, not directed at your friend. Using phrases like “I feel…” or explaining how you do things helps them see your side without them feeling blamed or targeted.
If your friend stresses you out after a few minutes or several hours, try spending some time really thinking about the how and why to your stress. What does the friend do or say to set you off? Understanding how you’re affected helps you approach the relationship. This can lead to a gentle but direct conversation with your friend to explain yourself and how you’d like things to change from your perspective in order to continue with the friendship.
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