Are you a chronic people pleaser? This simple phrase will help you successfully manage and eventually cure your disease to please.
“Thank you so much for thinking of me. Let me check my schedule, and I’ll get back to you.”
Breaking myself of the people pleasing habit has allowed me to be significantly more productive, enabled me to focus on my priorities, and it even helped me get over my fear of people thinking I was a jerk for saying no. You can do the same just by mastering the phrase above – The Golden Reply – and learning the rules to the “yes or no” game.
Why You’re a People Pleaser
You’re a people pleaser because you’re a do-er. Everyone counts on you because you get things done. As a chronic people pleaser, you feel like you’re letting others down by saying no or that by saying yes to everything you somehow become a hero. The people around you have become comfortable relying on you because you’ve said “yes” to so many requests and always pulled through.
While it’s great to do things for other people, you have to do things for yourself, too. Oftentimes, a chronic people pleaser stops making time for his or herself and feels resentment, exhaustion, or a variety of other things as a result. But, you can’t blame others for counting on you when you’ve conditioned them to do so by saying yes to everything. So instead, simply break this habit and cure your disease to please with The Golden Reply.
The Golden Reply
Here it is again…
The Golden Reply: “Thank you so much for thinking of me. Let me check my schedule, and I’ll get back to you.”
Memorize and practice using this phrase today. Using this reply gives you time to check your commitments and determine if saying yes actually makes sense. It also keeps you from having to say the word you fear saying most: NO.
Tips for Playing the “Yes or No” Game
Once you try The Golden Reply, you’ll wonder why you didn’t start using it sooner! Here are some rules to the “yes or no” game and tips on how you can use The Golden Reply most effectively:
- Practice saying The Golden Reply and put it in your own words, so that it becomes a natural response.
- There is no need to offer details or an explanation. People will rarely challenge you. If however, someone expresses disappointment in your response, ask yourself if this person really wants the best for you or if their purpose is self-serving.
- When you’re not 100% sure if you should say yes or no, review your list of priorities and see if it fits. Why are you considering saying yes?
- Do things for other people when it feels good, makes sense, and fits with your priorities – not when it compromises them.
- Each time you do say yes to something, you should say no to something else. Avoid letting your plate get too full. When you put something on your plate, take something else off.
- Ask yourself, “Is this the best use of my time?”
- If you feel misplaced guilt for saying no, review your list of goals and priorities for reassurance.
Put The Golden Reply into effect today. Not only will you feel an immediate sense of relief, but you will also have confidence in knowing that you’re spending your time doing things that align with your big picture.
Love this. I am a people pleaser. Cannot wait to try this. Thank you for the inspiration.
Thank you for this Chalene! I think sometimes I overextend myself to please others. This is such a tactful way to handle the situation.
Wow! You said practically said it word for word the reasons why I am a people pleaser—YIKES!!! You must be familiar with this topic. I really get caught up in the not saying no and i like how you said “add something to the plate and take something else off”. This is a great topic!!! Thank you for sharing it!!!
Very nice post!
Greetings Chalene! For the past 3 weeks, I’ve been hanging on to every word that I have received from your podcasts that my husband introduced me too. You are totally changing life! I told my husband the other day that you are my virtual mentor. You are teaching me how to balance family and business. Thank you for inspiring me that I can do it all by putting my priorities in the proper order!
Great approach! What do you suggest saying when you get back to them? I just listened to your podcast on this topic and found so much awesome advice and wisdom, but I’m still stuck on how to actually say no. Thank you!