Research shows that the quality of friendships is one of the most important factors in determining our happiness, success and overall mental health. Which is why it is so important to identify toxic friendships and then remove them from your inner circle.
Do your friends lift you higher? Do they make you want to be better? Learn more? Be kinder and do right by others? Do your friends see your potential and encourage you to be your best and help others?
Sometimes friendships take a negative turn and they stop adding value and happiness to our lives. It’s a hard realization. And breaking up with a toxic friend can be painful. But in the end, you’ll feel lighter, more present and not obligated to someone who doesn’t deserve your attention.
This of friendship like a bank account. There are deposits and withdrawals. If there are too many withdrawals then you end up with an empty or “overdrafted” account. This leads to stress, unbalance, and instability.
Friends who suck the life out of us ask us for our advice but never take it. One sided friendships are those with people who expect you to be there even when they are not. Friends that lift can will say, “I’m sorry…I messed up. You were right. I was wrong.” Friends who lift want the best for you at all cost even when their honesty might result in a fight or temporary tension. Friends who lift will not tolerate behavior or thinking that is less than you deserve. Ironically, friends that lift require the least amount of maintenance. They just get you!
Invest in friendships that lift you and spend less time and energy on those that don’t.
And let’s be frank…even the best of friends can argue and disagree, but friends who lift always come from a place of your best interest. Real friends are there for each other and just like a marriage… the tough times make you better! So ditch those toxic friendships and hold dear true friends.
It’s less about breaking up with those that drain and more about consciously decided to spend less energy on them. It’s about spending energy with those people who inspire you to be better!
Don’t forget to leave me a question or comment below! I LOVE hearing from you. Is there a particular topic you’d like me to cover on the blog?
Thanks, Chalene!! This is EXACTLY what I needed to read today. I was having a conversation with someone about this earlier, and then here pops your article…talk about the cosmos letting me know I am making the right choice!
YAY for perfect timing! 🙂 the stars were aligned!
Hi Chalene, What about when the problem with the friendship is my perception of what is said or done, as being toxic? I think I need to change my perception and don’t know how to do it.
Cheryl this is such a great question! And props for being so observant and aware of yourself and your feelings. To be honest, that is an area for therapy. Specifically EMDR therapy. I don’t know if you have heard of me talk about my friend Mcayla, but she is an EMDR therapist and has helped hundred of people with this very specific problem. What your struggling with stems from an ingrained belief system, which stems from childhood… and that takes a very specific form of therapy. If it’s something you’re interested in trying, make sure you go to someone who specifically specializes in EMDR and is certified! 🙂 this is super important! hope that helps.
Thank you for this. I’m struggling in all areas of my life and I needed to read this.
You’re welcome! Sorry to hear you’ve been struggling with this! I know it’s hard to remove people from our lives, but ultimately we’re happier 🙂 Here’s to a happier and more emotionally happier 2017!
Interesting observation, you are really on point